My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
