At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
