So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize