She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize