we have officially lost it.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
