with your own penis?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
