Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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