Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
