you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
