How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
