I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
