another moral hangover. fuck.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
