epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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