He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
nutella sex= disaster
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
