Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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