I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The ass gains better be worth it
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