let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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