So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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