U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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