i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize