Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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