Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
