the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
