At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
