Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
