so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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