soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
