i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
