TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
