I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
