no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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