My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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