69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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