Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
