i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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