Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
