last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
