I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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