I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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