Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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