that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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