3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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