My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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