Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
