She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
