I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
