Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
