I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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