Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My vagina just clenched in fear
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
