I wish my penis had an off switch
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
