peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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