i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
