I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Come see our sink grown plant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize