im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
do nipples grow back?
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