She is in my trunk
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
