My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
