so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
