I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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