last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
