Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
