God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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