Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
