maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize