If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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