do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And then he peed in my hair
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