What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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