I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
