I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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