Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
