She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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