we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
