Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
