I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize