what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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