You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize