The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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