Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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