this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
