She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
