i think my tv is drunk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
